Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
