TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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