I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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