i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
