no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
they're like a gay fantastic four
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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