then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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