allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
