my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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