Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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