Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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