Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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