just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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