It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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