apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
