How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
