I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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