I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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