I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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