Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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