Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
