sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
