I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
