I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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