what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
