I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
