I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
