Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
