someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
