I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
