nut hugger
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
