Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
