dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
