If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
