Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I love you.
Bad choice
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