I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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