Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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