"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
