he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
