Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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