That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
