I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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