Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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