omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
