4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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