Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
