my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
