you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
