I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
