I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
