I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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