If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
