You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just invented taco cereal.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
