You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
