last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
